Murfreesboro, Tenn. - This report is one man's experience about being sexually abused as a teen by a coach at school. WGNS makes every effort to present all sides of each story, and this is no different. However, WARNING--This story contains references about child sexual abuse and may not be suitable for some. Also, the victim’s name is not used to protect his confidentiality.

Let's just call him Doug. 

When a coach offered a 14-year-old a job helping clean up after games, the boy never dreamed the experience would develop into a recurring nightmare.

The coach sexually abused “Doug” for several years, shattering his childhood innocence.  Those memories still haunt him as an adult.

Doug takes little solace in knowing the coach was convicted and is serving an almost life term in prison.

The victim shared his experiences recently with Executive Director Sharon De Boer of the Child Advocacy Center of Rutherford County. He selected the name Doug for his story.

The Child Advocacy Center of Rutherford County (CAC) is a 501c3, non-profit organization that was founded in 2000 to provide safety, justice and healing for victims of child abuse and child sexual abuse, drug-endangered children, and their non-offending family members.

Before reliving the painful experiences, Doug sampled his favorite Murfreesboro smoked wings. He pushed the wings aside and launched into a lengthy story of how he was sexually abused, the trauma he still suffers and his drive to succeed.

 The first time the abuse happened was when the coach played a pornographic video.

 “I’m like, whoa, what the hell is going on?” he said, remembering. “What do I do? It wasn’t a good feeling.”

 As a child, Doug didn’t know how to get out of the abuse, which crippled him in many ways. The coach threatened to hurt his mother if he disclosed the sexual abuse.

Recent statistics show that one out of 10 children will be sexually abused by their 18th birthday. Child sexual abuse victimization crosses all races, cultures, economic status, religions, sex, sexual orientation, gender, and immigration status.

And unfortunately, only 38 percent of child victims disclose the fact that they have been sexually abused. Of these children, 40 percent tell a close friend rather than an adult or authority figure, which does not always result in a formal report. That means more than 80 percent of child abuse cases never come to the attention of Child Protective Services, such as Department of Children’s Services, or law enforcement, which means that many children in the community are silently bearing the burden of child sexual abuse.

After a few years of abuse, Doug started dating girls and told the coach the abuse must stop. But the coach stopped by his house and wanted Doug to go somewhere with him. Doug refused and in anger busted a door at his house.

            His reaction raised red flags for his single mother.

          “She came in when I needed her the most,” Doug said. “She ferociously had my back.”

 His mother immediately contacted the Rutherford County Sheriff’s Office. Detective Randy Groce and the high school SRO interviewed him about the abuse, resulting in the criminal charges and later conviction of the coach.

          “Honestly, the aftermath was worse than the actual rape,” Doug said. “Kids were mean. They didn’t understand.”

          While awaiting the trial, Doug suffered from students calling him homophobic names and forcing him off the road when he was driving. One student even assaulted him, causing Doug to lose some sight in his eye.

          Before the trial, the coach stalked Doug, posing as a private detective and falsely claiming to Doug’s girlfriend’s mother that he was gay. The mother forbade her daughter to see him again.

“I was crying in the kitchen,” Doug said, asking, “Why is this continuing to happen?”

          Detective Groce called the girlfriend’s mother to inform her about the coach’s lies. Doug and his girlfriend dated again, but their relationship wasn’t the same.

          For the trial, then District Attorney Bill Whitesell and then Assistant District Attorney Laurel Hemingway prosecuted the case with support from Nancy Nelson, a forensic investigator for the District Attorney’s Office.

          Doug testified, reliving the abuse on the witness stand.  The jury found the coach guilty of multiple counts of child rape and sexual battery by an authority figure.

Unfortunately, Doug didn’t receive counseling. His mother sought a civil lawsuit to seek payment for counseling and damages for her son’s experience. But the lawsuit didn’t materialize.

Doug started drinking, and as an adult ended up in six months of rehabilitation with counseling. He sent his report cards to Whitesell every month.

He also had problems with relationships, feeling rejected when a girlfriend left him. Doug caught another girlfriend cheating and angry, he damaged the door of her home, leaving a scar on his hand that appeared to be the first letter of his mother’s name.

That scar now reminds him to make better choices.

           Doug and his mother worked to change state law to require stronger background checks for teachers and coaches.

“We had that small victory,” he said.

          Doug told De Boer he has never gotten the counseling he needed.

De Boer reminded Doug that life is difficult “when someone takes away your personal power.
“It’s like death without dying,” Doug replied.

De Boer encouraged Doug to seek counseling now. “You deserve a good life,” De Boer said. “We don’t want what happens to children to ruin their lives.”

          Even though he hasn’t yet received counseling, Doug has moved on with his life.  He graduated from Middle Tennessee State University, has traveled to all 50 states and works a fulltime job. One of his personal goals is helping a stranger every day.

          Doug stays in contact with Whitesell, who is now retired, meeting for lunch occasionally.  Doug says he appreciates Whitesell’s help and support through the trauma.

          “When you get to witness that and it’s not intangible, it means a lot in your career that you made a difference for somebody,” Whitesell said. 

At a recent lunch, the two discussed the Child Advocacy Center’s mission to assist child victims with forensic interviews when specially trained employees talk with children to gain information about the reported abuse.

 “He was taken advantage of physically and psychologically,” Whitesell said. “He realized what happened to him was not his fault. He has learned to cope and become a very productive member of society.”

 Whitesell, who is a long-time supporter and Child Advocacy Board member, said Doug offered to help the CAC by sharing his story.

 “His success story is very meaningful in that he understood what the Child Advocacy Center does and how it could benefit the victims of child abuse,” Whitesell said. “He wants the CAC to thrive.”

The child sex abuse victim, now an adult, experienced later relationship issues. He busted a girlfriend’s door when he caught her cheating. However, the scar on his hand reflects the first initial of his mother’s name to remind him to control his temper. 

Child Advocacy Center of Rutherford County Executive Director Sharon De Boer of the Child Advocacy Center listened closely to the victim describe his abuse  from a coach as a child. The former coach is serving a lengthy prison sentence.

The child sex abuse victim, now an adult, experienced later relationship issues. He busted a girlfriend’s door when he caught her cheating. However, the scar on his hand reflects the first initial of his mother’s name to remind him to control his temper. 

If you need help, contact the Child Advocacy Center of Rutherford County at (615) 867-9000.