Attention all smokers: If you happen to stumble upon an offer so good it defies the laws of economics—say, tax-free cigarettes sold from the trunk of an old sedan, or maybe a minivan with a fancy manual sliding door—there’s a solid chance you’re looking at stolen goods. Yes, believe it or not, Big Tobacco isn’t running an underground discount club, and the government isn’t suddenly giving tax breaks on smokes. Instead, some enterprising individuals have taken it upon themselves to bypass traditional sales methods—by simply not paying for them at all.

Nashville Metro Police’s Burglary Unit is on the case after not one, but two break-ins at the same Mapco gas station located at 2115 21st Avenue South. In a move that screams “criminal mastermind,” a suspect—or possibly a tag-team duo—decided that buying cigarettes at market price was a fool’s errand. So, instead, they broke in at 4 a.m. last Thursday using a brick as their VIP pass, swiped over 200 packs of cigarettes, and presumably strolled away with a cool $1,700 worth of smokes. But wait, there’s more! This past Tuesday, at exactly the same time, the suspect (or his equally uninventive accomplice) decided to relive the magic and pulled off the exact same heist.

Let’s break this down with some quick math, shall we? If a pack of cigarettes costs roughly $8.50, then we’re looking at nearly $3,400 worth of stolen tobacco products between both burglaries. That’s quite the return on investment—considering there was zero investment. No taxes, no startup costs, just pure profit. Move over, Wall Street.

Police have released surveillance footage of the suspect(s), who presumably believe that if a crime works once, it’s bound to work twice. Law enforcement is now on the lookout for anyone carrying an unreasonably large number of cigarettes without a single receipt in sight.

If you have any information regarding this incident (or if you were recently offered a sweet deal on smokes from a parking lot entrepreneur), you’re encouraged to contact Crime Stoppers at 615-742-7463. And to our local criminals—perhaps consider shaking things up next time? Maybe, just maybe, try a new store. Or, you know, just pay for your cigarettes like the rest of us.

DISCLAIMER: All suspects are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. The arrest records or information about an arrest that are published or reported on NewsRadio WGNS and www.WGNSradio.com are not an indication of guilt or evidence that an actual crime has been committed.